Getting to know your child: why ten minutes a day matters

Getting to know your child takes about ten minutes a day of genuinely focused attention: entering their game, hearing about their day, laughing together. That small daily connection strengthens their mental health, reduces behavioural problems, improves physical health and measurably lifts educational achievement.

Start with a test. You walk in exhausted after a long day at work. Your four-year-old comes running, shouting, “Mamma, come see the castle I built!” The hallway is a jumble of pillows, blankets and chairs. Do you:

a) Get upset at the mess and tell him to clean it up right away b) Say you’ll look later, dinner first c) Say you’re tired and need some rest d) Drop everything and enter the castle as its newest royal

If you answered d, you have already banked your ten minutes of connection for the day. If not, an easy opportunity just walked past. Researchers on parent-child bonding keep arriving at the same figure: about ten minutes of focused time and attention a day is what it takes to connect, bond and build trust with your child.

What does daily connection actually do?

It strengthens their mental health. Studies show children with a warm relationship with their parents are psychologically stronger and happier. The emotional support gives them the footing to rise through life’s challenges, and it is the base layer of everything else you do for their emotional health.

It reduces behavioural problems. Connected parents pass on respect, empathy and honesty simply by being watched. Children take their parents as role models and learn to tell good behaviour from bad without a single lecture.

It improves their physical health. Happiness and health travel together, and a child’s happiness draws heavily on affection at home. Time spent in indoor and outdoor activities together feeds both.

It lifts their school results. One study found the time parents spend with children has a powerful effect on educational achievement, and keeps children further from trouble than children whose parents are absent or unaware. Surveys also find many parents do not know when their child is struggling emotionally, or even what their interests are; that communication gap is where problems grow quietly.

Nine simple ways to spend quality time with your child

1. Connect daily. Face-to-face before school and work, or a little note in the lunch bag. Ask what happened at school or on the playground, and listen to the answer.
2. Say “I love you” every day, and tell them why you love, trust and value them.
3. Create routine rituals: a short book before bedtime, a word game in the breaks.
4. Reinforce positive behaviour with appreciation. It need not be material or big; simple words of acknowledgment carry a long way.
5. Cook and eat together. The table is where a family talks, and the kitchen teaches teamwork; shared chores count too.
6. Schedule an activity and let them choose it: crafting, baking, family game night.
7. Play with them, even for a few minutes; quick card and memory games refresh you both.
8. Tell jokes and laugh together. Laughter is genuinely good for emotional health. Share stories from your own childhood and invite theirs.
9. Put the technology away for half an hour and just listen and talk.

The castle in the hallway will be gone by the weekend. Whether you climbed into it is what your child will remember.

One more exercise worth trying: write down your answers to simple questions about your child, favourite subject, best friend, current fear, proudest moment, then ask them the same questions and compare. The gaps you find are not failures; they are this month’s conversation topics. Connection like this is the daily engine of positive parenting.

Dr. V.S. Gayathri is a Certified Dyslexia Therapist, an Orton-Gillingham trained literacy specialist, and the founder of Flourishing Kids. She has delivered over 4,000 hours of one-to-one reading and spelling intervention, helping children across multiple countries build stronger literacy skills. Knowing your child well is the first step to helping them learn; get in touch for a free 15-minute conversation.