Speaking out about spanking

Spanking does not improve obedience. Research shows it increases anti-social behaviour, aggression and mental health problems, and brain-imaging studies find it alters children’s threat response in ways similar to severe maltreatment. Discipline works better through relationship, positive reinforcement, clear consequences and communication.

Ways of disciplining a child have changed a great deal, but for many families the old methods persist, or are presumed to work. So let us take up the sensitive question directly: is it okay to spank your child?

For generations, spanking simply was “the right thing.” Its popularity is declining, yet a UNICEF report found Indian parents still leaning on traditional punishments, shouting, pinching, denying food, hitting, with field observations across Orissa, Maharashtra, Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and Chhattisgarh recording children disciplined in these ways, and sometimes simply absorbing their parents’ frustration.

How common is it, really?

One Indian survey found 77% of parents spank their children at home. The more telling numbers are these: 69% of those parents knew about the effects spanking has on children but found themselves losing their temper anyway, and 72% said they felt guilty almost immediately after raising a hand. Only 19% believed it was genuinely the only way to discipline a child. Most spanking, in other words, is not a considered method; it is a temper failure that the parent regrets within minutes. Asked why, 76.4% of parents said the child “irritates” them and they eventually lose their cool, most often at mealtimes or bedtime, which points at adult stress, not child wickedness, as the trigger.

What does spanking actually do to a child?

The research is unusually consistent:

It does not produce obedience. Studies found spanking did not improve compliance, while contributing to increased anti-social behaviour, aggression, mental health problems and cognitive difficulties.

It changes the brain. Research published in Child Development shows spanking alters children’s brain response in ways similar to severe maltreatment, raising their perception of threat. Children who have been spanked are more likely to develop anxiety and depression and to struggle with the self-regulation that school demands.

Any effect is short-term. Unless a child understands why the behaviour was wrong, nothing lasting is learned. Learning has to come from within, not from external force alone.

It teaches violence as a tool. A 2011 study in Child Abuse and Neglect concluded that spanking can create an “intergenerational cycle of violence” in homes: children who are physically punished are more likely to use physical violence to resolve conflicts with peers, and eventually with their own children. Children also suffer emotional trauma simply from witnessing violence between parents or siblings around them.

Seventy-two percent of parents feel guilty the moment their hand comes down. That guilt is good information: it is the parent’s own judgment saying this is not discipline, it is a lost temper.

What can you do instead of spanking?

1. Build the relationship first. A positive, supportive parent-child bond gives a child a reason to behave well; this is the whole premise of positive parenting.
2. Use positive reinforcement. Appreciation, trust and care pull better behaviour out of a child than fear pushes it in.
3. Use calm consequences. Time-outs, or the temporary loss of a favourite privilege, discipline without damage.
4. Communicate as much as possible. A child who understands the why of a rule needs far less enforcing of it; knowing your child well makes those conversations shorter and kinder.
5. Get help when it is beyond you. If you keep losing your temper, or nothing seems to work, a child counsellor is the right call, for your sake as much as the child’s.

The mealtime and bedtime flashpoints deserve their own fix, too: those are the tired hours, for parent and child both. Lowering the stakes there, simpler routines, earlier starts, fewer battles picked, removes most of the moments where a hand gets raised.

Dr. V.S. Gayathri is a Certified Dyslexia Therapist, an Orton-Gillingham trained literacy specialist, and the founder of Flourishing Kids. She has delivered over 4,000 hours of one-to-one reading and spelling intervention, helping children across multiple countries build stronger literacy skills. Discipline struggles often hide a learning or attention difficulty underneath; get in touch for a free 15-minute conversation.