How to make your child learn about sharing

Children share when sharing is their own choice; research is unambiguous on that, which is why forcing it backfires. Fair sharing typically develops between ages four and six, and parents grow it through modelling, turn-taking games, praise, stories, and, counterintuitively, respecting the child’s possessiveness along the way.

“Life has taught me that respect, caring and love must be shared, for it’s only through sharing that friendships are born,” writes Donna A. Favors. We grew up on “sharing is caring” and want the same for our kids, with good reason: sharing is one of the foundational social skills, and in plain terms, it helps children make and keep friends.

The developmental timeline reassures. Studies show young children have a strong natural tendency to cooperate, and fair sharing behaviour is typically learned between four and six. A toddler refusing to share toys is not a character flaw; it is a stage that passes with time and guidance. At three to four, empathy is just emerging and turn-taking is newly graspable, but emotional self-management lags behind, so the adult’s job is to steer feelings gently while the skill grows.

Six ways to grow a sharer

1. Be the role model

Children imitate what they see. Share visibly: your books with friends, old clothes to those who need them, the last piece of dessert. Narrate it lightly so the act registers.

2. Teach turn-taking through play

When your child is ready, make turns a game: pass a ball back and forth with “your turn now… mom’s turn now.” The rhythm of alternation is sharing’s training wheels.

3. Never force it

Research finds children share when it is done by choice, so build the environment that invites the choice rather than commanding the act. Respect their possessiveness while teaching the virtue; watch how they behave in groups to see what guidance they need; and never rush them with scolding. A forced handover teaches resentment, not generosity.

4. Praise the act

When they do share, name it and appreciate it: generosity noticed is generosity repeated. (Specific praise works best, as always.)

5. Use stories and resources

Books, films and videos show sharing better than lectures tell it. Read picture books about sharing (Sharing a Shell and That’s (Not) Mine are made for this), watch films with sharing at their heart, and play games built on taking turns; every board game is a sharing lesson with dice.

6. Handle their emotions with respect

Ownership matters to a small child the way property matters to you. Seek their permission before others use prized possessions, let them keep a few treasures unshared, and ease them toward letting go at their pace, especially through the preschool years.

The child clutching the toy is not failing at sharing. They are still learning that giving something away is not losing it, and that lesson cannot be rushed.

One delightful research footnote: counting skills turn out to be strongly related to sharing behaviour, and counting prompts (“one for you, one for me”) improve both the maths and the generosity at once. Small steps, patience, and the long view: sharing is a skill that carries a child through life, and it grows best in soil without force.

Dr. V.S. Gayathri is a Certified Dyslexia Therapist, an Orton-Gillingham trained literacy specialist, and the founder of Flourishing Kids. She has delivered over 4,000 hours of one-to-one reading and spelling intervention, helping children across multiple countries build stronger literacy skills. To talk about your child’s social growth, get in touch for a free 15-minute conversation.